From Wreck to Ring

Hey so how about this: I got engaged last weekend. Cool, right?

But go back to 2024, and I never thought this would happen.

One day in May, 2024 my girlfriend (now fiancé) found a bottle of OPMS Black in our car cup holder. I had been taking this stuff everyday, multiple times a day, and though I was usually a ninja at covering my tracks, I forgot to take that bottle with me when I got back from a trip to the smoke shop. She had found an OPMS bottle months prior, and I was forced to explain that I was struggling with kratom. And that I’d stop taking it. I promised. But spoiler alert: I didn’t stop. I tried. But that quit lasted four days. The withdrawals were just too brutal. So I stayed addicted.

I’ll never forget the text I got from her that day: “You better get rid of any of this stuff you have left when you come home,” paired with a photo of her holding the OPMS bottle.

You know that feeling when you get caught lying to someone you love, red-handed? That burning acid feeling in your chest? Man. It’s honestly worse than any withdrawals. We can hurt ourselves all day long, but when we hurt someone we care about—and there’s absolutely nothing for it but to know that you are responsible—I swear it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. I hate thinking about that memory. But back then, I was just lost. I was an emotional wreck. That drug had its claws deep into me.

Even before that text, I didn’t feel prepared to ask her to marry me, even though she had been patiently waiting for years. Like, who would want to marry me? She was (is) way too good for me. I looked at getting engaged to her like handing her a big fat ball and chain. Pun not intended.

But things changed. With the help of Quit Kit, I got clean a couple months after that text message. Those self-defeating demons that my addiction forced me to live with eventually flew away. It took me about a year to come to terms with myself addicted versus myself sober. I finally accepted that I wasn’t some albatross to hang on someone’s neck. I was actually a pretty okay person. And last weekend, I proposed. She said yes. Which is…just awesome.

It also still doesn’t feel real. Cliché as it is, I do feel incredibly lucky. She’s dynamite, and I’ll never do better. That’s for damn sure. She could, but I’m not going to tell her that.

I’m writing all this to you because I’m living proof that the poison we stuff our self-esteem with when we’re addicted does fade. Honestly. It does. I’ll put it this way: if you ever wondered what the best way to show up for the people you love looks like, whatever it may be, it doesn’t include drugs. Drugs just will never allow you to be the version of yourself that your loved ones deserve. It’s that simple. And there’s great power in that knowledge. Because if you’re struggling with a drug right now, you have direct line of sight into what you need to be better. Not just for you, but for them.

I’d never have proposed if I were still addicted. And getting clean showed me how I’m not what my addiction convinced me I was: some busted wreck of a human. Not at all.

The same goes for you. You are not worthless. You are not “lacking.” And you are not meant to live in a shell of your potential. You are awesome. I’ll shout that from the rooftops.

This is why quitting is so important. You gotta let that awesome out. Dazzle the world with it. Drugs will literally never let you do that. So cut them right out of your life. Replace them with love. Fill your life with love. Because you deserve all the love in the world.

I’m rooting for you. And remember, all the awesome you’ll ever need is already inside you.

Much love, 

Matt von Boecklin

Founder / Quit Kit